Movies Watched in 2013:
111.) Piranha 3DD, 2012, dir. by John Gulager — 2/10
Danielle Panabaker and Matt Bush are the leads this time out, and they’re just fine. The film around them, though, is nigh unwatchable. The closest I’ve come to shutting a movie off halfway through in a long, long time, Piranha 3DD misses out on almost everything that made its predecessor bearable and instead picks up and runs with everything that brought it down. I was about to give this a 1.5/10, which would have tied it with Werewolf: Beast Among Us as the lowest I’d ever rated a movie, but, as I mentioned, Panabaker and Bush are fine and Ving Rhames and Paul Scheer, in their baffling four minutes or so of screentime, are rather hilarious. If you were going to make a sequel, why not follow the plot (again, the first has no third act, leaving itself wholly unresolved) and close out the story instead of moving to a new city and ignoring the resolution to the first encounter with the cartoonish piranha? Don’t bother with this one, not even for a minute.